Lead me back

Posted in Uncategorized on April 8, 2015 by suzisays09

I am coming L-rd. I can’t profess to know why You have provided the path that I walked in this plain. Why, I was cut off from my people and family coming up. You made sure that always my life was surrounded with the chosen.  It wasn’t hard to make up my mind after reading the whole book that what mattered was in Isaiah. The first the last and the only.

It is time to divest myself of all the pagan symbols. Nor will I ever observe them again.  It is interesting to note that this year no observance was made by myself of either all saints eve or of the winter solstice.  I tried to attend the local church. I found the sermons rather lacking. The same paragraph repeated over and over. Then the blood libel that was uttered. It took everything I had to not stand up and denounce the speaker. I watched our people caressed with one hand and slapped with the other.  Then Passover came, I couldn’t go back and be among the enemies of my people. I would rather stand alone then to be in the company of idolators. .

The more I read the more I know that the lie has been perpetuated. The Torah is one version and one version only.  The new testament a recycling of ancient stories, not the first virgin birth to be told.  I don’t know if I am good enough to be a good observant jew. It is time to study and become closer to the person that He would want to call his own. That is all that I can aspire to in his service.


It is past time to pray, but then again it won’t be to late until it is.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on April 3, 2015 by suzisays09

A beautiful day this is, but,that is how I describe all days.  With the dog licking the keyboard, and my heart full of joy in spite of the realities of our world.  Passover begins at sunset this evening, and in this we are blessed as the time of the shofar blowing from the heavens comes closer.  The Messiah coming to take his bride.  The L-rd will deliver us from this.  Be not afraid, for whatever happens in the end good will win out over evil.

In the wee hours of this morning I reread this blog and the other, the one about hospitality.  the things I wrote about that were issues that needed to be talked about.  Today they are mild compared to the issues we face as a world just a few years later.  There is nothing that I as an individual can do to change the course of the worlds destiny, or opinion of others.  What I can do is love the people that have been given to me to love. Let go of those who do not value my heart. And pet the doggie that stays at my side.

Unless you were adopted you never know the hunger to look into the eyes of those that share your lineage. Growing up looking at everyone for just a glimpse of familiarity. A solitude of the soul that no amount of assurances can fill until you have your blood about you again. In spite of the losses of my dearly departed brothers and my Mother, we had time and laughter and love again on this worldly plain.   It is among the greatest gifts that was given in this life. The past the present and the future all a part of my life.


So truly all I can say is that I love each of you from the very depths of my heart  My son, my grandson, my brothers, my sisters in law, my nieces and nephews, my aunt and uncles and cousins. The parents and grandparents who raised me and the ones who could not.  And of course my friends. The ones who have passed and the ones who have yet to come.  It is a love without end…  Amen

New year, new days…

Posted in Uncategorized on January 5, 2015 by suzisays09

A lot of folks talk about making changes.  Some of them do most of  them don’t.   Over the past year I realized that the life I was in was quickly spiraling down the drain. 

  Fast forward now…  living peacefully and simply in the company of my son.  A better son, no mother could ask

Thank you for this blessing

Posted in Uncategorized on November 25, 2014 by suzisays09

How did I go so long without my sister? I was blessed with the woman my eldest brother married. In fact all my sisters in law have been beyond awesome. The ones my brothers have married and the sisters of my husbands over the years. There is no doubt in my mind had we grown up together. From the time my brother met Cathy she and I would have been running buddies. It is still very possible that I will end up living back down on the coast. I had forgotten how much I liked the weather. I would like to go back to summer clothes most of the year. Not without my son though. All it would probably take is a trip or two being with the family to get him thinking about it.  But, I digress. So many changes and losses in the recent past. Oh how life has changed. My son meeting me at the door of the bus. That was heaven. An arm to lean on my bags carried. My struggle lifted. My visit with my family a tonic that my soul needed. A letting down of my hearts pain. I feel whole again. My young nieces snuggled up next to me. Now that is some joy!  I see their mother in each of them.

Sunset postponed…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on December 31, 2012 by suzisays09

  Maybe, dreams can come true… Sunset can be postponed.  It is terrible enough that I don’t see my grandson in person, but at least I am seeing pictures now.  I know whose eyes he has.  I hope he got the Osborne intelligence,  he looks so much like his dad.

  But, today I looked at his picture, and saw the face that I have waited a lifetime to see.  A ray of hope has entered my heart.  There the baby face of the young man, who pushed my chair in the dream I had so long ago.  Perhaps, I get to survive

Better to let sleeping dogs sleep

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on December 26, 2012 by suzisays09

  Sleeping dogs  old memories, best to let them rest.  Finding out that your memories, are more golden in the past.  Oh well I am glad it happened I won’t waste any of the time i have left, on folks that don’t remember me or it is obvious that i am not important to them..  It is very telling when you know when a message was seen. Oh well, my heart is pretty much used to reality. It is qone thing when someone you knew doesn’t recall you, that is an oh well. When your kin don’t respond to a message that important. Won’t be initiating any more contact. I don’t see the purpose of pursuing those that don’t hold me close in their heart. I have a few people who truly care for and love me. I realize that the number can be counted on a hand maybe a toe or two. Maybe I will get well, perhaps I won’t. But one thing I do know is that it is up to me, whether I have a year or many more. Time won’t be wasted on things and people that don’t matter

Do what works…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on December 19, 2012 by suzisays09

   We as a nation, are reacting in many ways to the latest tragedy, small schoolchildren and their teachers.  It is such a grave crime to steal so many futures.  Whether he did it out of his own madness or, following orders. It remains to be seen. 

  After reading the stories of the staff of the school, their bravery and clear headedness saved lives.  These people are the people that all parents who send their children to school rely on to protect their beloved children.  Yet, in general we balk at raising our teachers salaries, and let our school districts suffer in the way of equipment and staff.  We should be ashamed of ourselves.  Short sightedness, at the least.  We have got to find a way to protect our schools, and gun free is apparently not working.  We need change whether it is armed staff or stationed gaurds in our schools..  Or keep the entire campus always on lockdown status.  I don’t pretend to know the answer.All I know is more of our tax revenue need to go to securing the nations schools from acts of barbarianism, that sadly our society is awash with